The Dark Night of the Soul

The Dark Night.

The depths of suffering.

The bottom.

When I began on this journey, I had no idea what ‘losing your world’ really meant.

I was probably too fascinated with the illumination, bliss and other joyful components of the spiritual path. I also began my journey within the concepts and texts of Buddhism of which, at least from my journey, seemed to contain limited mentions of the actual process and what it really entails to wake up and truly embody who you really are. Maybe this is on purpose. I do not know. Or maybe it was my own blinders that really prevented me from seeing what was to come. Or maybe universal energy does that on purpose. So that you keep going. Again, I really don’t know.

When the Dark Night hits. You feel like you are going mentally insane. Because you are. Life force is pushing you to go beyond your ego mind and your limiting beliefs. And in order for you to truly commit to this and go to the beyond. Your mind has to go crazy. It has to be uncomfortable. It has to be unbearable. It has to be a place you no longer want to live from. Essentially you have to be pushed so hard that you are willing to take that leap of faith into the unknown. Into spirit. Into life force. Into God Consciousness. Otherwise why would you ever leave the, what you think at the time as safe, confines of your ego mind.

There were times where I felt like a was actually losing my marbles.

Times where I could deeply feel so much suffering and pain.

Times when I felt like I was in an intense pressure cooker.

I felt trapped, limited, restless, hopeless, contained, dark, blurry, unsure. But this was all the ego.

Spirit was there. It was pushing. It was saying feel it all. Surrender to it all. Jump into the unknown. Let go. And then commit. Be determined. Hold on to your will power. And become who you truly are. Which is everything. Which is love. Which is peace. Which is life force.

The Dark Night is not easy. It is so, so hard. But it is necessary. Otherwise, why would you ever be like yup, I’m gonna lose my mind today.